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Comic for: October 21st, 2009
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Bayonetta: "Sorry Ladies"
Posted: Wednesday October 21st, 2009 by

If the gaming world was a collage, hype might well be the adhesive that keeps it all glued together. And if we accept that symbolism Bayonetta is absolutely covered in the sticky white substance. What? Why are you looking at me like that? Oh! Perverts.

I've read a lot about Bayonetta, mostly because "journalists" turned fanboys can't seem to stop drooling over the game literally or textually. Personally, I can't get beyond the lead character. Some of you, the ones that have bought into the hype glue, will want to smack me. But Bayonetta (for whom the game is obviously named) doesn't appeal to me. She looks like someone slapped silly putty on a drawing of a hot librarian chick, then stretched her body out, leaving this gangly monstrosity with a tiny head behind. The person responsible for her concept swears her proportions are based on "foreign models with similar bodies". And I'm not saying it's not possible. I just want to see the photographic evidence side-by-side with a full body screenshot of the character.

The original version of this comic was supposed to have a GU-ized bastardization interpretation of Bayonetta in it. But exaggerating her proportions more just made the comic look like I was doing a study in foreshortening, as if the image was generated from the perspective of an ant looking up at her from the toe of her hair boot. In the end I just couldn't make myself draw her. So I settled instead on representing her as a piece of paper with her proportion information scrawled on it.

Following the notion of "looked good on paper" we come to the whole hair thing. Because I didn't like the character in the first place I didn't actually read much about the game early on. Then more screenshots showed up with her fighting naked. After an audible "Dammit! What the hell?", I caved and started reading about how "Bayonetta is blatantly hotter than your girlfriend". [more info] That's when I learned about the whole outfit-made-out-of-her-hair thing which served to gross me out more.

Now, my personal opinion aside the game is receiving rave PREviews. Famed Japanese gaming magazine Famitsu has given the 360 version a perfect 40 out of 40 (38/40 for the PS3). Apparently it's a fast-paced, beautiful game. And if you can ignore the oddly sexual implications of having a "Very Easy Automatic" mode that tauts one's ability to play the game one handed (Ewww!) the gameplay is supposed to be fun. The game IS directed by the same guy that created the Devil May Cry and Viewtiful Joe series though. So, I guess we shouldn't TOO be surprised by that.

Now if I could just get past the hairsuit wearing, silly putty stretched, ICKY! in my head...

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